The Heroescope!  The stars speak to the capes
by livengoo
Summary: You think the stars only speak to kings and commoners?  But no!  Superheroes need their horoscope too and if it's good enough for the heroes, it's gotta be good for the villains too!  The interlocutor has a day job so there will only be one a day.
1. 17 May Taurus

May 17 Taurus

Heroes:  
>Hey Hero! You're at another turning point in your life but what else is new? That happens every few issues, doesn't it? It feels like everything is spotlight and immense, but it always does. That's what a spandex life is like, larger than life, in all senses. But that's a fractured life, split between your main title and those team books and the backstory and the plot threads that some editor forgot were left in loose threads. Don't be overly concerned that you can't make all those plot threads tie up neatly into a pretty bow. The decisions you make now do matter, but they'll be playing out over months. Just let your daydreams flow without analysis, and your worries go without obsessing. As much as you can. After all, if that obsession is your raison d'etre then you are stuck with that bit of canon!<p>

Villains:, Life is full of turning points, Villain, and you know perfectly well that observer bias makes each one feel more important than the ones before. But in the real four color world, this one might not be as big as it feels. It's true that these choices do set your new direction, but even a powerful and puissant bad guy or gal like yourself has limited knowledge of the future (you prescient types can just skip today's 'scope, but you already knew that because you're prescient!). Don't be too concerned if you can't figure out how to get your desires and goals to harmonize perfectly; a little dissonance keeps things lively and lets new tunes emerge! Just keep humming along and give those tunes time to reach the chorus and bridge, and you'll have a great metal tune of malice on your hands!


	2. 18 May Taurus

May 18 Taurus Heroes:  
>Oh Hero, there's all this pressure in your life pulling and pushing you in all kinds of directions. Bosses push you to be more ambitious. Hottie honeys push you to be more romantic. Teammates push you to play well with others and villains push you to . . .well. Really villains are pushing to drive you nuts and maybe kill you. The temptation to cave in to any of them is strong and angst-ridden but resisting, holding your ground, will help you grow. Others will seem to judge you and may of them will actually be judging you and a few of those will be running ranting editorials in their papers, and their attacks and scrutiny would wear on anyone. Try not to get too frustrated hero. They may stymie your progress, but small steps are better than none at all.<p>Villains:<br>You're under steady pressure to change, Villain. That's a given. Defense attorneys pressure you to admit guilt, and therapists pressure you to talk about your toilet training. Not to mention those pesky heroes pressuring you to give up easily. It's a bit stressful. It might even tire you out and make you want a vacation, to get away from the prying eyes and flashing fists. But that's the kind of opposition that helps a decent villain like you learn, and grow, and inspires you to greater heights of theft to pay for any vacation worth the taking. If those benighted fools frustrate you too much, there's always the deathray option. That tends to reduce the nuisance value though perhaps there are more enlightened approaches. Remember, those people might be useful some day. But if you can't resist then don't. The stars understand. Tolerance may be a leap of emotional maturity, but some villains need to take baby-steps.


	3. 19 May Taurus

May 19 Taurus

Heroes:  
>Hey Hero! You have a 1st of Physicality and it is a big party house! This is definitely a day for the team books, crowded with characters. With an audience of planets, stars, and other astronomically amazing bodies, you want to to look your best and you've dressed to the nines in your best new spandex, showing off those perfects abs and buns. But remember, beauty is only skin deep. True beauty is what's under the mask, so today while you flex your pecs and bulge those biceps, remember to flex that inner self today. The perfect body may get you what you want, but it's your kind heart that'll get you what you need.<p>

Villains:  
>Roll out the bling, Villain. If you've been working on a new costume, today is the day to bring it out. Stars and planets and flashy bodies are crowding your 1st House of Physicality until it looks like the red carpet at the Oscars. To run in that crowd you need to look your best. Clothes don't make the villain, but they sure do help increase the press coverage! True beauty is only skin deep, but that's all you need to show up at your best on CNN, and we all know how the world loves beauty. That'll come in handy when you seek to take over a small country, win an election, or protest the innocence of your risky hedge fund. And while your rivals are green with envy, your bankroll is just green, and growing. Beauty is skin deep but greed goes all the way to the bone. <p>


	4. 20 May Taurus

May 20 Taurus

Heroes:  
>You like to fly high, Hero, but some days you re grounded until you get your chores done. Today, Gemini s Solar Eclipse activates your 2nd House of Self-Worth, and then Gemini looks around, picks up a metaphorical dirty sock and tells you that you need to clean up your life. You ll try to just talk a big game about change, filling up panels with word balloons of angst and intentions, but that s not enough to make things happen. You need to take action, and clean things up directly. But remember, quantity of work isn t as important as quality. You don t get to just toss all those socks in the closet of your psyche, you need to actually do some cleaning up!<p>

Villains:  
>There s a Gemini Solar Eclipse activating your 2nd House of Self-Worth, Villain, and so far that s the only second house you have! The fact is that your 1st Condo of Self-Worth leaves a lot to be desired and you know it, and you know who you blame too. While it s always fun to sit in the villain bar and chat up the bartender with all your big plans, it s even MORE fun to get out there and do some dirty deeds, preferably for loads of filthy lucre as well as fun. You already know quality counts more than quantity - after all, that s why Nigerian scams are lame but abolishing bank regs and lobbying Congress gets you fame. All you bad boys and girls, take the day to get out there and work that voodoo that you do!<br> 


	5. 23 May Gemini

May 23 Gemini

Heroes:  
>You're in an uproar today, Hero! Your moods are all over the place, one minute trying to get work done, the next flying off the handle and out the window to rescue a damsel or dude in distress, only to find yourself in a throw down with a super-villain and then racing back to work while the boss things you're on an extended coffee break and wash, rinse, repeat! It's hard to get anything done when you're changing like an Etch-a-Sketch, and being all over the map like that can make it hard to keep an even temper. But you can reduce your frustration (and, not coincidentally, reduce the risk of being fired!) by taking on only what you know you can finish. Think carefully before you take that big project at work, maybe while you're shimmying into the spandex to respond to that police scanner call for a lady reporting a space alien playing croquet on her lawn. If you're facing a team of villains, be willing to call in help instead of trying to take them on by yourself. It's not being lazy limiting your goals actually helps make room for spiritual growth, and for a good story arc for the next few issues!<p>

Villains: You have mood swings today villain, but what else is new? You always had mood swings like a teenage girl with PMS. The problem is that today it's getting in the way, delaying your new invention, distracting from that collateralized debt obligation you've been creating, disrupting the slow seduction of politicians, and generally interfering with the precision of your cunning schemes. Today isn't the time to try that world domination trick you had worked out. Limit your goals to a more approachable size, such as continental or even just local office pool domination instead, and you'll find yourself growing to meet the demands of future evil urges.  
> <p>


	6. 24 May Gemini

May 24 Gemini

Heroes:  
>Your ruling planet, Mercury, returns home and like the fleet footed thing he is, sets all kinds of things running faster. That includes your thoughts, which will speed up, and unfortunately it also includes the pace of your life. If you thought it was hectic before, Hero, just look out! Crisis on infinite deadlines! Work picks up, your sweetie is feeling the hot flush of spring and picks up the pace, and don't get us started on the super-villains. With all that going on, it'll be tough to find time to catch up with how you feel. Avoid making any real commitments right now, hero. Enjoy those guest shots in other books, and pursue your interests but don't commit to any single path just yet.<p>

Villains:  
>That smash and grab specialist, Mercury, is back in his home planet, and ruling your life villains! Your ideas are buzzing but so is everything else in your life. Not like things weren't already busy enough, but suddenly you're the celebrity baddie of the spring season. Don't worry, though, it's a good time to just get out there and sample life. Don't settle on any one arch nemesis yet. Take a little time to enjoy yourself, sampling the options for evil that are available to you. Explore your villainy, knowing there'll be time to settle down and commit to a dastardly path, all in due time.<br> 


	7. 25 May Gemini

May 25 Gemini

Heroes:  
>What are you thinking, Hero? Do you know? Are you SURE? Because your subconscious is talking at the same time as the rest of the world and it may get pretty confusing in your head! It may be the bats telling you to avenge your parents or Cerebro telling you of a mutant attack or perhaps just something as mundane as your desires being at cross purposes with your duty, but the voices in your head are sending mixed signals. Don't expect the people around to you hear those voices, hero (unless you really ARE Professor X!). Most humans, post-humans, super-humans, and others of the sentient persuasion need to use words. Find your courage and find a friend who you know isn't mind controlled and isn't selling your story to the tabloids, and share that confusion you're feeling. It can help bring clarity back to your mind, it'll deepen that friendship, and as added bonus points it'll let you get a chunk of exposition done without putting the plot on hold!<p>

Villains Villain, the stars see you and the indecision you feel. It's natural to be confused about your goals sometimes, especially when your subconscious and your super-ego are wrestling and leaving your libido to mind the store. Don't write this off as just the usual voices you hear, villain. This time, pay attention to those conflicting voices and consider finding a friend to confide in. Just make sure they won't turn state's evidence the next time they're looking at time themselves!


	8. 26 May Gemini

May 26 Gemini

Heroes:  
>It's all about integrity today, Hero. Your life is full of dramatic gestures. Even your wardrobe is a dramatic gesture, and today those gestures can have a big impact on those closest to you. Your teammates, your sidekick, your best friends, and the main squeeze, all see you, and recognize you for who you are. A sincere and honest gesture (other than a punch laid on a super-villain of course!) will go a long way but it's got be real. Faking it for effect is going to go over about as well as the last three times you faked your own death (and remember cleaning the rotten casseroles out of your fridge after those?). Be willing to live big and blatant, but be real about it.<p>

Villains:  
>Your life is all about draaaahhhMA Villain, the stars know, and your drama has a huge impact. Your dramatic gestures have crashed global markets, corrupted national elections, changed city skylines, and ripped off Peter Parker's Aunt May in a really ill-considered case of identity theft. (Ahem. The less said about that the better). Today your gestures will have even more impact than usual, and the ones closest to you will be most affected. That's normal, of course, since the people standing next you usually get bruised when a hero punches you into them but today there will be impact on the people you care about, too. A dramatic gesture done for effect will likely backfire, though let's face it. Most of your gestures for effect have precisely the kind of mass property damage you intended but at least try to honestly, truly, really MEAN your malicious intent today Villain. Honesty, after all, is the best policy.<p>


	9. 27 May Gemini

May 27 Gemini Heroes:  
>You ve been stymied Hero, with long running plot twists and cliffhangers, but it s time for a climax! This is when all those plot threads come into the picture and, if you ve been doing your best and tying up loose ends, you ll have a tidy knot in your hands. On the other hand, unacknowledged loose ends will come back to haunt you as a massive tangle that snares everyone around you. It s time to get busy, run down those neglected leads, those overlooked crimes, those naughty rotters you ve let slide. If you ve got outstanding villains, then work on cancelling their checks.<p>Villains:<br>A fearless villain like you never quails before hard work, though you re much too smart to seek it out if you can avoid it! You ve been frustrated recently, denied the fruits of your felonious labor but it s harvest time and there are some heroes who are ripe to be plucked. Satisfaction is around the corner if you buckle down and plow through those messy details. If you ve been letting things pile up, now s the time to get to work and clear the decks. Shoot a few sidekicks, blackmail a few teammates, bribe a few morally ambiguous types and you ll be well on your way to a clean sweep. Put in the work, villain, and you ll get to show them why you re the Prime Evil in this show. 


	10. 28 May Gemini

May 28 Gemini Heroes:  
>Hello Sidekicks, second bananas, supporting characters, the stars see you too! The Heroes are all busy flexing their gluts and abs and punching villains and there you are, picking up after them, being kidnapped, boosting heroic super-egos and generally being unappreciated until you die and boost sales. The stars and planets know it s frustrating but pay attention this week. Subtle currents and turbulence are just beneath that primary colored surface that is your life. All those comments you ve choked back are setting ripples into motion that can grow into tidal waves. A second banana usually doesn t get many word balloons but it s time to spit out those suppressed comments and tell them how you really feel before those emotions overwhelm you. Villains:<br>It s time to rub your hands and cackle maniacally, Villain! Your job is usually a solitary one, since who knows what plea bargains some lesser villainous loser might cut. But a good villain always keeps an eye out for talent and it s time to recruit! The stars see undercurrents of frustration and looming turmoil in those who normally must keep quiet and endure and you know who those folks are SIDEKICKS! Spies subvert secretaries and janitors? Well. You lure away sidekicks, supporting characters, and those lesser superheroes whose costumes reference weird endangered species. Nothing warms the cockles of a villain s heart like turning allies into betrayers and heroes into patsies. So get out the job applications it s super-villain recruitment time!  
> <div> 


	11. 29 May Gemini

May 29 Gemini Heroes:  
>Hey Smarty-Spandex pants. Your heroic wardrobe choices may still be garish but your mind is top notch right now with three planets in your mentally agile sign. But be careful remember, the planets don t turn you into Spock! Your emotions are running just as high as your intelligence and it would be very easy to let all that mental energy go to waste in anxiety and emoting. Instead, focus on logic and reason and let your head guide you, not your gut, as you try to balance those high flying spandex hijinks of yours with your civilian life and loves.<br>Villains:  
>Hey Villain. Your life is always a balancing act with your reason and self-discipline restraining your sincere and heartfelt desire to choke, or at least rip off, the lesser beings who dare to share your airspace. Right now, with three planets in your mentally nimble sign, you ve got an edge against your own bad attitude but that doesn t mean you can just slack off. When considering the worklife balance between your world-domination goals and your desire for love, affection, and devoted minions, be sure to use that head of yours and keep your felonious impulses under tight control.  
> <div> 


	12. 30 May Gemini

May 30 Gemini

Heroes:  
>Some heroes have two fists of steel, Hero, but with that hottie Venus in your sign, you have charm so strong that oozes out of your pores. Too bad that's not true of everyone. While you're schmoozing, you may find that your teammates, your co-workers, even your trusty sidekick, are seething and making you grind your teeth. It could be easy lose your cool and be uncool if you don't pay close attention to your feelings. Arguments might be good for sales and good for exposition but in the long run, magic phrases will build your team better than tragic phrases so try to remember that you aren't the only one who feels that tension, and instead of giving in to your inner villain, let your charm carry you to the high road of kindness and good listening skills.<p>

Villains:  
>You are a charming cad, Villain, so use it. With Venus in your sign, you've got that dark, shiny sex appeal that makes Cruella so much more fun than Cinderella. And on a day like this, being a villain can be a good thing as the losers around you show their complete lack of social graces and wind up irritating everyone, including you. A hero would listen kindly and help these dull clods find inner peace but you get to help them adjust their attitude in the most efficient way possible. Don't be afraid to manipulate, distort, and coerce people too selfish to realize that you are are the center of the universe.<br> 


	13. 31 May Gemini

May 31 Gemini

Heroes:  
>What a difference a day makes, Hero! You were charming your way out of trouble yesterday but today your dark skies can turn blue and the bluebird of happiness is singing its tune! Of course troubles don't really vanish overnight so a few lingering plots twists remain to keep your arc lively, but your lighthearted and positive outlook will make it easier to enjoy those knock-down, drag-out villain fests. Take a little time to enjoy decking a dastard or at least take a few minutes to meditate and contemplate the pleasures of life. You might find your daydreams come through and true when it's least expected by you!<p>

Villains:  
>Yesterday's storms are clearing and today the bluebird of happiness is taking a dump on the Geminis out there, Villain. While this can make a mess, it also means that you're favored more than most of the nefarious nincompoops who walk the dark path to wealth, power, and a rent controlled apartment in a good neighborhood. Let yourself enjoy your successes today, and take a minute to visualize and meditate on the day that your evil schemes deliver the world, or at least the World Bank, into your control. You wouldn't be taking the risks of a villainous career if you didn't expect a big pay off for the crimes, but even so, you might find you get even more than you hoped in the end.<p>


	14. 01 June Gemini

June 1 Gemini Heroes:  
>Hey Hero, pay attention because it's your day to be lucky in love! The stars know that the main squeeze or reasonable facsimiles thereof mainly gets to be a hostage or, sometimes a point of conflict between you and a different hero, but today, put the spandex away and break out the wine and roses. Mercury has aligned with sexy Venus in your sign and it's time to let the villains play their villain games while you work on your back story. Don't give in to the urge to be logical and rational leave that for tomorrow. Today, leave the spandex on the hanger, leave the bad guys alone, find your honey and speak sweet nothings that come straight from your heart.<p>Villains:<br>Mercury is doing the wild thing with sexy Venus in your sign, Villain, and that means it's time for Love Potion Number 9! If you've got a naughty-but-nice friend with benefits, then by all means wine, dine, and make love sublime but even if you don't, it's a good day to toss some golden apples as you toss golden words. Consider the benefits of romancing your arch-enemy's sidekick or teammate or mates, depending on your level of ambition. Regardless, it's time to let your rational mind take a break while your libido indulges your neglected taste for amour.  
> <p>


	15. 02 June Gemini

June 2 Gemini

Heroes:  
>Hey Hero. You want to just use your Mellow Yellow-self-o power today, we know, but the stars warn you that those around you will not or cannot let you just have smooth sailing on lake you. You won t be happy when you are dragged into the interpersonal Cuisinart known as team dynamics, and you ll try to be reasonable and rational but that never works! If it did, you d never get those nifty two page center fold combat scenes. You can bet your last pair of no-show underoos that your spandex knickers are going to get in a twist but it s pointless to fight it. Just go along, try to get along, and you ll find in the next few days that things are better just because you pitched in when you were needed.<p>

Villains:  
>Hey Villain, it s AMOK TIME and all those wacky heroes are having another of their group punchfest-love-ins that are always so amusing. That kind of heroic food fight can take pages to resolve, or even a mini-series if you re lucky. Take full advantage and get out there and do some crime while you ve got the time. Let them be overwhelmed by their irrational passions. You can be overwhelmed by your absolutely sensible passion for diamonds, weapons, and complex financial instruments. The heroes will snap out of it soon enough, so turn off that rerun of Antiques Roadshow, stop daydreaming about ripping off vintage collectibles, and go show them why they gave you that villain membership card you re proud of! <p>


	16. 03 June Gemini

May 23 Gemini

Heroes:  
>You're in an uproar today, Hero! Your moods are all over the place, one minute trying to get work done, the next flying off the handle and out the window to rescue a damsel or dude in distress, only to find yourself in a throw down with a super-villain and then racing back to work while the boss things you're on an extended coffee break and wash, rinse, repeat! It's hard to get anything done when you're changing like an Etch-a-Sketch, and being all over the map like that can make it hard to keep an even temper. But you can reduce your frustration (and, not coincidentally, reduce the risk of being fired!) by taking on only what you know you can finish. Think carefully before you take that big project at work, maybe while you're shimmying into the spandex to respond to that police scanner call for a lady reporting a space alien playing croquet on her lawn. If you're facing a team of villains, be willing to call in help instead of trying to take them on by yourself. It's not being lazy limiting your goals actually helps make room for spiritual growth, and for a good story arc for the next few issues!<p>

Villains: You have mood swings today villain, but what else is new? You always had mood swings like a teenage girl with PMS. The problem is that today it's getting in the way, delaying your new invention, distracting from that collateralized debt obligation you've been creating, disrupting the slow seduction of politicians, and generally interfering with the precision of your cunning schemes. Today isn't the time to try that world domination trick you had worked out. Limit your goals to a more approachable size, such as continental or even just local office pool domination instead, and you'll find yourself growing to meet the demands of future evil urges.  
> <p>


	17. 04 June Gemini

June 4 Gemini Heroes:  
>Get ready for a rough day, Hero. The Sagittarius Full Moon Eclipse is rattling your 7th House of Others like a gas main explosion in the basement. The shake-up will throw you together with people you never expected and you ll have to consider new relationship options. Red ships, blue ships, don t sink those relationships! The changes will make you grow in unexpected and helpful ways, but that doesn t mean I will be easy. Be honest about that faking it will only make things worse. Take a risk, begin an conversation, and help your partners in those new relationships learn what you need to feel secure. Even if you disagree about what to do, the discussion will make for a healthier partnership.<p>Villains:<br>Your 7th House of Others is shaking like jell-o in an earthquake, Villain, as the Sagittarius Full Moon Eclipse throws you into all kinds of new and interesting experiences. You might open up, talk to those new people about your feelings and your vulnerabilities and how to find a healthy, safe, emotionally secure place but why bother when you can simply terrorize and dominate? It s so much faster and more efficient and it avoids all those icky stories about your childhood or that unfortunate high school prom (no need to go into the profits for the crime scene clean up business you started as a young business club idea!). This can be a growth opportunity for you. Your choice. You can grow emotionally if you learn to open up, or better yet, grow in power as you exert your hypnotic control over those unsuspecting dullards! The eclipse may shake up your house, but you will be able to find other people to clean up the mess so enjoy the experience. 


	18. 05 June Gemini

June 5 Gemini

Heroes:  
>You live a fantastic life, Hero, surrounded by all those noble people with perfect bodies in spray-paint clothes. You have plenty of battles and strife to keep you busy but that unresolved sexual tension just simmers all the time, doesn t it? You may be surprised to find that you aren t just satisfied with banter anymore and you may want to dig a little deeper and scratch a few R rated itches. While having your sweeties kidnapped, having relatives murdered, and being betrayed by those around you have all left you with commitment phobias big enough to make you dress up like an arboreal mammal, you still feel that desire to find out what s under the lycra. Now you need to decide whether to go for it or to just use that brain-scan helmet and fantasize. Acknowledge your dreams but however you cope, don t confuse reality and fantasy, Hero.<p>

Villains:  
>Anyone with eyes knows that you ve got UST, Villain! All those fisticuffs and tying up and S&amp;M costumes? You re screaming with repressed desire for your heroic counterparts, their sidekicks, their sweeties, their teammates, their bosses . . .wait. Not their bosses. That s just nasty. But the rest of them, yeah, granted. You may be craving a bit more than the superficial thrill of tying them up and threatening them with phallic weaponry. The potential explosive chemistry is alluring and lurid for a four color fiend and it would be such a shame to miss out on a chance for some very special hands-on experience. You could take a risk, and let yourself be vulnerable or you could just zap them with a mind control beam, have your wicked way, and set up a really nifty amnesia story arc! Dreams or reality? Who cares! A clever villain like you can have BOTH!<br> 


End file.
